CRYING TO GOD
Finding God's Love - Chapter Preview
Ammachi frequently mentions crying to God. In the practice of devotion and love, crying to God is the goal in terms of that which is outwardly visible. In fact she states directly and clearly that if one gets tears for God one is saved (read Saved by a Few Tears in the section Useful Instruction from Ammachi). In her dialogues we see her repeatedly begging and pleading with those around her to cry for God. It is in this state that the heart opens completely and God's grace pours into us like a rainstorm in the desert causing long dormant divine flowers to bloom. We become innocent like little children. Our cup of joy overflows. The heavy burden of delusional self-importance is washed away in the torrential rain of love and we find ourselves floating in the indescribable lightness of being like a cloud in the deep blue sky. We feel that we belong to all of life. We feel loved. We are radiant with love for everyone and everything. We are consumed in the ecstasy and bliss of our mystical union with God. As the flood subsides, peace comes easily and completely shining like the full autumn moon rising on the horizon of love's bountiful harvest.
Crying for God can take two forms. One is born from the longing for God. The intensity of our longing and subsequent pain of separation brings these tears. This happens during periods of concentration on our feeling of being incomplete, wanting answers, and needing to be loved. The other form of crying happens when we make contact with God. These tears flow from the intensity of gratitude and joy that God has connected with us, and also from feeling pure flowing love for our Beloved. We feel that we are bursting with so much love we are not able to contain the rush of it and the overflow comes out in tears.
At first most of us will not feel like crying. There are several things we can do. The first is our meditating on God and visualizing the feeling of love toward God. This will gradually loosen the hard shell around our heart and cause it to open. The second is to pray to God to help us have tears of love. The third is to attempt to induce a cry while thinking of God. Children can work-up a cry but we have forgotten how. At first we might describe these beginnings as base emotionalism but that is perfectly all right. All spiritual practices begin with a dualistic bent that later purifies and evolves into a deeper aspect. Working ourselves into a cry for God by any means of concentration and mental gymnastics is perfectly acceptable. This will eventually evolve into pure love for God. If we are not able to cry, we can pray whole-heartedly and sincerely - with as much intensity as possible. All of this creates the head of steam necessary to cause the ego to break down and the heart to open.
At first we may get a little moistening of the eyes but not too frequently. With practice, this turns into dripping tears of joy and it happens more often. We will eventually be able to slip easily into communion with the Lord and the resulting flood of tears by simply saying the name of our Beloved with a little concentration. It will also begin to happen spontaneously and sometimes in awkward circumstances. We may be in the grocery store checkout line and something the checker does will remind us of our Beloved and we will be overwhelmed with love and wet eyes. We will be compelled to mumble something about allergies as we wipe away the moisture with our shirtsleeve.
Eventually, all of this will culminate in the sense or "knowing" that we know God personally and directly in the same way that we know any person we are aquatinted with. We will also know beyond all doubt that God is equally aware of us in a very intimate and personal way. As we contemplate this newly revealed reality, and as we continue our practice of enjoining ourselves to pure love for God, and as the tears flow, our minds and hearts will purify. This brings us around to the baseline task of eliminating the ego. We will begin to clearly see the ego as the spoiler of our love and communion. As a result we will beg God to remove it. Now we are both pulling towards God and pushing away from the ego. The pushing and pulling is amplified and intensifies. Like antiwar protestors in the 60's our thoughts will continuously parade through our mind with placards like, "Get us out of the ego now," or "Heck no, we won't ego!" This is the pushing away from the old delusional way of seeing. The pulling is our intensified love for God and the resulting communion. We begin to feel that our previously cherished pleasures of the world are tasteless sawdust compared with the joy and the delight of the divine. Crying tears for God is the expression of this beautiful cosmic dance of liberation.
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